“I’m just a wounded mess of a man who doesn’t trust women.” This quote came from a man I was dating as he confessed he was always expecting every woman to repeat the pattern he experienced with his ex.
What if with each new relationship the probability slate is wiped clean again?
Talking with a friend who just broke off a relationship because the other person lied to him — twice. That’s a deal breaker for him. Even though it wasn’t about something big. Well, especially because it wasn’t about something big. Lying about the little stuff that isn’t worth lying about was a big red flag for him.
Yay for sticking to his standard and maintaining boundaries. And beware boundaries don’t become barbed wire fences.
He was arguing that this experience as evidence proving his theory that romantic relationships are just a waste of time and energy.
What if each event is like a coin toss? With each toss of a coin the probability slate is wiped clean. The results of previous tosses have no influence on future tosses.
The same is true for relationships. You are engaging with a whole new person. The probability slate is wiped clean. None of the results of previous relationship events influence the probabilities of this relationship event.
There is one factor that can skew the results. You. If you drag assumptions and prejudices formed in the earlier events then you are now tossing a loaded coin.
Yes, learn from the past. Use that learning to make wiser choices going forward. And treat each situation as a new, completely blank slate of fresh probabilities and possibilities.
Photo (modified) Flickr – JD Hancock